EPISODE X - THE FINAL BALANCE
by mercuryeee
Summary: TROS SPOILER. This Rey / ReyxBen story is about finding home, redemption, connection, fears & hope. A drained Rey, Finn and Poe try to find their places in the development of a New Republic & Jedi Council when the force is out of balance again. Criminal organisations are pushing into the new vacuum of power and what at first seems the dark side is calling for Rey.
1. Chapter 1 - Master Rey

**Dear reader, this is my contribution to the Star Wars Saga. The story begins right after the events of "The Rise Of Skywalker" and contains all major spoilers. Although I enjoy emotional Oneshots, I wanted to create something with more background, with more depth after the ending. More chapters are coming. Leave a review, if you like! What were your thoughts after the last movie?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and this fiction is based on the legacy of George Lucas/Lucasfilm/Disney.**

**CHAPTER 1 – MASTER REY**

_Be with me_, she whispered. _Be with me. Be with me._

The wind blowed through the peaks of the trees, she heard leaves falling to the ground, she felt the soft earth above which she floated, meditating. Breath in, breath out. Just like Leia Organa showed her almost one year ago when she, Rey, begun her proper Jedi education during the war against The New Order. Against Snoke. And against him, Kylo Ren.

Meditating was part of her training and she needed it more than anything else. She hated it because to her, it seemed meaningless to listen to her own thoughts. But she knew, only in peace she could find strenght, only in balance she could be one with force. Be with me, one more time. The forest stayed silent.

Rey kept her eyes closed.

It was almost a year since they left Exogol, the dead planet. 332 days. The planet, shrouded in darkness, enlightend by the fire of hundreds of Star Destroyers lying on the ground, burning because of the courage and endurance of the Resistence. They died there and Exogol became a grave, for Sith and Jedi, for the Resistence and The Order. She saw them in front of her eyes, falling from the sky like giant dragons. She has been there. And yet she hasn't.

When she left the collapsing cave, her hands were almost empty. No corpse to drag outside as he disappeared in front of her eyes and became one with the force. Just two lightsabers tied to her belt. And a black sweater. It was too fast. This was all what was left to her from Ben Solo who, in the end, wasn't Kylo Ren anymore. And never again. A black sweater, soaked from his blood and sweat and tears, ripped and dirty. This is what she has taken from the cave of the Sith. This and the almost unimiganible burden of being a Jedi. One of the last and then again one of the first and many more to arise in the future which already has begun.

For her, there was still no home in sight. For one year, she spent most of her days on Coruscant, the whole planet which was a huge city. She has never seen anything like it before. It was again the center of the democratic galaxy, again home of the new Jedi Order and also place of the New Senate and New Republic. The New Republic failed many times in the past but was still the only option left for a galaxy where worlds, planets and their inhabitants could live in freedom. Coruscant became a place of political debates and law-making one more time. The city halls buzzing on so many days by raging conflicts between the representatives. Finding back to peace, finding back to a Republic and a Senate after a total destruction of Hosnian Prime and its planets, was not an easy road. People mistrusted each other. No one was sure if it was actually over. And how the future was supposed to look like, especially after almost all armed forces of the Republic were destroyed.

It was all about politics.

But who was she? She was still a nobody from nowhere. A scavenger from Jakku. For her, all the decision-making was not easy to understand and to grab. She watched it, she answered when asked but she felt that this was not a place for her. She knew that when the time came to form a new Jedi Council it was time for her to decide what path she wanted to go in the future. But she didn't see it in front of her inner eye. And was so lost and restless just like when she met Finn, Poe, Han and the others.

Beside that, Coruscant was also loud, it was crowded, full of emotions and decisions and she couldn't imagine being here, living here, until her time, too, has come.

Too full, too loud for her when she barely could handle her own fate and her own life. A life which was a gift to her, Bens last gift to her. But it felt like a burden and every step along the way became heavier day by day. Rey knew that, she felt it.

At least here, in one of the very few forests of Coruscant, right in the middle of the Jedi Temple, she found some peace. Or at least something very close to it. Because she realized in horror that for her, there would never be peace.

She noticed it the night after she returned from Exogol when she was laying in her bed and heard the others snoring and mumbling in their dreams. There was this feeling that she was not alone. That she was connected to something. To someone.

And since than, she waited every day for that feeling to come back again. A feeling that came here, in the forest, in the evening or the nighttime when she sat in her bed, legs crossed and the room completely dark. No sound came through the doors or windows. And when she was here, all alone, seemingly disconnected from the world without even meditating...

Rey felt, that he was there. Ben was right there.

But she couldn't see him. And it was like it wasn't even him in person, it was not Ben standing in a shadow where she only would need a little light. Only one step to reach him. No, she felt his presence just like she felt the force. It was there, all the time. But only in the quite and lonely moments she would sense his presence above everything. In between the force, in between the souls of thousands of Jedi, was he, who, just like his mother Leia and his uncle Luke, became one with the force.

When she felt the force, she felt him. He was everywhere. He was part of her breath, of her skin, of the taste of water she was drinking and part of her own gigantic power. The force was strong in her. And so was he. But for her, he would always remain just a presence in her mind and soul, connected forever, unable to meet again.

„We are two that are one", he said to her what seems in a past life.

It was weeks, months, after Ben has passed when she, horrified and after another night of nightmares and tears and fear, realized what that meant for her:

She would never be free from her missing, from her longing. She would always be a prisoner of this duality, an always missing half. Never enough. Never whole. And even... even if he would manifest himself in front of her... She could never take his hand again.

Although she has seen Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa and other Master of the Jedi before, transcending into the real world to communicate – she never saw Ben. Since 332 she was waiting. But he didn't answer. He didn't talk to her. He was gone and left her behind to live what seemed to become a long life.

"Be with me!", she shouted. But nobody was here and nobody joined her and just like the last hundreds of times she tried, there was just she, the forest and the countless times she tried to hear the voices of all Jedi. And to hear his voice, among all the others, was what she longed for the most. But Ben remained in darkness, behind the fog which separated the force from the real world. He was there. She was here. And he never came back. She was alone. Birds flew into a purple sky when she screamed "BE WITH ME, DAMMIT!"

Rey jumped to the ground.

There it was again - the feeling of anger, of frustration, a creeping feeling of loneliness and being alone, surrounded by many people. There were too many voices, when she wanted to hear just one. So many things to do when all she wanted was to sit and rest and heal. As healing, that she knew for sure, was part of her journey. But how, she asked herself, could there be any healing for her when the other half of her being, of her soul, of her power, was forever gone?

And even if… Even if he could show himself, manifest like other Masters before him – for him, there was no place in the New Republic. In the eyes of most inhabitants of the galaxy he still was the Supreme Leader of The Order, a Knight of Ren, a Jedi who turned to the dark side. Who not only killed his father but also millions of beings in the Hosnian System with the Starkiller Base.

The broadcast, which the Jedi Temple sent 24/7 to all planets in the galaxy, contained a lot of information about the fight of the Resistence and all allies against Emperor Palpatine. But Jedi, Sith and the force were still just a myth for most of the simple inhabitants, a bedtime story to listen to but not accurate information.

For some of them Palpatine and Kylo Ren were the roots of all evil and suppression they faced in the past years. For others, the First Order was still present everywhere and some still longed for the promised stability. Kylo Ren was still Kylo Ren, former Knight of Ren and Supreme Leader. And nothing, no words, no broadcast, no promise would ever change that. But not to her.

Was this also the reason why he didn't manifest?, she asked herself. Did he never find peace, did he never find the light? Was he not part of the force, like she thought? Was the sacrifice not big enough, was there no redemption for him?

And yet she focused again. Not for his voice, not for his face, not for his last smile. But for herself because fear and sadness, that she knew for sure, were the path to the dark side. A side she knew. A side she has seen. A side she would never choose. But a side she probably was never safe from.

The day ended quickly. Coruscant, unlike Jakku where she grew up and lived for most of her live, was busy no matter what time of day it was. Only in the Jedi Temple, where she lived and trained, nighttime meant calm.

Rey left the forest and activated her communicator.

No news from the service station about a very much needed repair on the Falcon. No messages from Finn or Poe, who – again – were on a mission while her duties kept her in the city. She felt trapped. She felt empty. She felt tired. But she was needed here, in the Jedi Temple, as one of the most powerful Jedi alive. She was the light all scattered Jedi and force-sensitive creatures needed to be able to find the way home. She was the light. She was the hope. She was the beginning of a new Jedi era which only just begun.

„Master Rey!", somebody shouted. „Master Rey, wait please!"

She turned around. A little girl with long hair and three eyes, ran towards her. She was only 10 years old. Almost too old to be a Youngling. But there were also Younglings the age of 25 and older who never had the chance to finish or even begin their education and training. Sometimes Rey forgot that she was called „Master" here. As she herself felt like she didn't deserve this title. Her own journey wasn't finished, her own education full of gaps. On some days she wondered how she could ever teach someone something.

She came from nowhere.

„Fa'ahra, what is it?", she asked the girl, pushing dark thoughts aside. Especially the force-sensitive children felt the pure force much stronger. They could see through lies and feel other people's emotions.

„Master Rey, Master Kanata wants to remind you of todays lesson! She is waiting for you in the Grand Library."

Rey sighed. Her day was not over.

She pushed the memories aside. The dead planet, the falling ships, his smile, his hand, his sweater which now was in a tiny box in her room, hidden underneath her clothes. Everything was in a past she could never change. She was Rey Skywalker and her path led to the future. A future, where force-sensitive children like Fa'ahra were safe. And where she was needed.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2 - The Raid

**Thanks for reading! I am glad that so many other fans loved the movie and the ending but still struggle to find peace with it. So why not continue the story a little further? This chapter will set the direction for many more chapters to come, enjoy the ride and have merry days, whatever you are celebrating.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and this fiction is based on the legacy of George Lucas/Lucasfilm/Disney.**

**CHAPTER 2 – THE RAID**

Rey rushed to the Grand Library where Maz Kanata was waiting for her patiently by the window. She was the one who showed Rey her story in first place and she was the one who gave her Luke's lightsaber. Force-sensitive and full of knowledge about the old ways of the Jedi, she became one of the most honoured members of the new Jedi Temple and an important teacher for all Younglings, although she never had Jedi training before and never became a Jedi herself. Actually, it was not hard to convince her. The old lady, a fierce pirate and savior of many Jedi artefacts, saw how much she was needed by the Jedi children.

In one year, they found 15 children under the age of 10 who were force-sensitive. And even more teenagers and adults joined the temple, most of them abducted as Younglings by Kylo Ren, abused and forced to be part of the First Order. They were tramps, smugglers, slaves. The children came poor and dirty, some were hiding in caves, forests or in snowy mountains. Some of them were separated from their parents, just like Rey. They never have known why and have never known their story. Some of the older force-sensitive pupils never had a chance to finish or even to start their training. Here, on Coruscant, they found the meaning in the word "home". They found each other and greatness in their fate and abilities.

But it was a long road and the dark side, just like the side of light, was always present. This is was true balance meant. They watched some of the younger and older Padawans carefully.

Although the holocron of the Jedi Temple with information about all force-sensitive children was lost and destroyed long time ago, word spread fast in the galaxy that the Jedi Temple was rebuild and filled with life again. In the beginning, only few came. To scared to be caught and killed, to scared to be punished and condemned. But one by one, they came. They stayed. They trusted. And they learned.

Rey looked at Maz Kanata who herself was looking out of the window and at the huge city before her eyes. Although she was way smaller than Rey, her presence was impressive. She was hundreds of years old and she was the one who offered Rey help when she herself didn't know what to do. When she returned from Tatooine where she left the lightsabers of Luke and Leia.

Tatooine reminded her of Jakku: A planet of endless desserts, hot days when you could barely walk in the sun and freezing cold at night. Almost no plants or trees. Rey remembered how she feared the sandstorms which blew everything away. It was a harsh life and it was all Rey knew from her very own childhood. It was tempting to stay in Tatooine where everything was familiar. And far away from all the suffering and pain she endured. No, her family would never come back to Jakku where she stayed all her life before she met Finn, Poe, Han, Chewie and the others. And Tatooine was also not a place for her and she knew it. She felt that the force was pushing her somewhere else.

"You rebuild the Jedi.", Kanata said back then when she came to the base where they all healed after the final fight. "You go to Coruscant. You record a message. You let everyone know that the Jedi are back. You are the light, Rey. Don't stop here. It is only the beginning. There is more to do for you. I meet you there."

But not only Younglings came. Slowly, very slowly, the few Jedi who survived Order 66, returned to their former home. Most of them came already with Lando to Exogol to support the remaining resistence. They knew, they felt, that this was either the end or the beginning. There was no place to hide. And there was also no meaning in hiding. The force which streamed through Rey the moment she fought Palpatine was so strong that every force-sensitive being, especially the Jedi, felt the power across the galaxy. Some of them would describe it later as an electric shock, others said it felt like their heart was exploding. The force, the light and the dark, permeated the solar system.

Without the old Jedi, the Jedi Temple wouldn't have been the same. They observed the newcomer, measured their midi-chlorians and trained them in fighting skills and ethos. This was just the beginning. She knew, more would come. In a distant future. And it was them who made the first step.

"Today seems peaceful.", Maz Kanata said. Her eyes looked unnaturally big in those round glasses and since the end of the war against The First Order she looked even older. Rey looked outside the window but didn't sit down.

"I am not sure if there can be peace at all.", she said instead.

"Don't be stupid.", the old woman said and shrugged. "Of course not! Balance is not about peace. It is about an ongoing conflict. The good and the bad, the light and the dark. This is how everything exists, this is how everything works in this universe. I just said that it is peaceful tonight, not that there is peace!"

Of course, they weren't completely safe here. With the Emperors death not all Sith were defeated. Some of them, just like the Jedi, were still out there, hiding, growing, waiting for a new chance. And inbetween the Jedi and the Sith, there was more. Even with the fall of the First Order and Palpatines death, dark forces remained part of the galaxy just as the light. There were still traitors and follower of the old days and the Galactic Imperium hiding on unknown planets. They had to be careful. Not because of the Jedi Order itself but to be careful not to lose those force-sensitive adults and children to the dark side and death again.

For now, Coruscant was the place for them to go. But Rey wasn't sure if the future of the Jedi layed here, too.

"Rey." Maz Kanatas words ripped her out of her thoughts. "I feel it. It is getting harder, isn't it? You need to focus. You need to heal."

Rey made a face.

"I don't know how. Everybody is telling me I need to focus, to meditate, to heal. But no one is here to tell me how. I don't belong here, Kanata. I am not a general. Not a politician, not a great master. Actually… I am not even a proper Jedi.", she finished frustrated. "I am still a scavenger from Jakku."

"Oh, shhhht, stupid girl!", Kanata replied angrily but softened her voice. "Whatever the future holds for you, it will come."

"I feel like I am waiting for death."

It was like the air stood still. Nothing was moving and the room went completely silent. And dark. Maz Kanata noticed it immediately. Not even a hair on Reys head was moving, not even a tiny ray of light from the outside came through. And was it really Reys voice coming from her mouth? Was it not a darker, deeper voice? From another Rey?

The old woman clapped her hands and Rey blinked. Suddenly, the room again was light and airy, just like the Jedi Temple was build.

"Don't say that ever again.", Kanata said calmly, but inside she was shaken herself. She just hoped Rey wouldn't notice. "Ben Solo gave his life for yours. It is a gift."

"It is.", Rey admitted and looked out of the window again. "A gift I can barely carry. Kanata, why is he not showing himself? For one word, one sentence, one…". Her voice broke, she looked away. No. No memories. She couldn't do it. She didn't want to think about it. "I saw them manifest before, I know that powerful Jedis can manifest into our world. I need guidance! I need help. Where is he? Why did he abandon me?"

Kanata remained silent. She had no answers. She was not a Jedi master and today was a day when she herself could use some guidance. But none of the old masters appeared to her ever and today was no exception. She felt Reys anger, her frustration, her fear. It grew bigger, stronger, darker every day. Kanata knew that the girl had to leave Coruscant soon. This was not a place for her. But what was it? What was the right place for a Jedi with her capabilities? With her wound?

They saw two starfighters approaching the landing field and Reys face, just seconds ago full of suffering and stubbornness and anger, was filled of excitement and joy. For today, the lesson was over.

"See you soon.", Kanata said but Rey already rushed through the door.

Her feet were almost flying above the stairs and through the grand halls of the Jedi Temple where only a few Younglings sat around a beautiful fire pit made from marble, burning for eternity. Around them layed various books and they debated about something Rey couldn't catch that fast. She has missed them, oh how she has missed them.

When she arrived downstairs and outside, the starfighters had already landed and opened their doors and Finn and Poe came towards her. Without words, they hugged each other tightly. It was a long, intimate hug and no words were spoken. They smelled a little bit like Coaxium from spending to much time in the cockpit and looked tired. But they smiled and so did she when she let go. A couple of seconds they just starred at each other just to make sure everything was kind of alright.

"Ok, enough of this sniggle-snuggle!", Poe said and his voice was loud and clear and demanding and the sentence was followed by a loud laugh. He wore his hair long and tied up into a bun while his lower half of the head was kept quite short. It suited him well and with his heavy boots and black leather jacket he was looking more like the General that he was than ever. He was a goodlooking man, Rey admitted to herself. "I'm starving! Finn managed to lose all our proviant on the way and it feels like lightyears since I had something to bite."

"Where is BB-8?", Rey asked instead and looked behind them, were the small droid rushed towards her. She went down on her knees and gave him a hug although she knew it didn't mean that mush to a droid. But BB-8 was happy to see her, too. He had some new scratches and just now Rey realized that Finn had a bandage around his left arm, too.

"BB-8! Finn, what happened?" She took his arm and he screamed.

"Ouch! Rey, please, really… no, really, could you please not touch a fresh wound just like this?", he moaned. She stepped back apologetically.

"What happened? You alright?" She looked at Poe who looked not only tired but upset. Something didn't feel right. Something happened. She saw it in their faces.

"Yes, great.", he mumbled. "Look, let's go somewhere were we can talk."

"Sure, let's go the Temple and –"

"No.", he interrupted her and looked around. Rey hasn't seen him like this in a long time. "No.", he said again. "Somewhere else."

"Let's go to Bobba's.", Finn suggested.

"We meet there in one hour.", Poe said. "I need to talk to someone first. And I will bring BB-8 to the service. He needs a little… polish."

BB-8 was happy to hear that he must not roll around with those scratches and mentioned that he might need a new powersource update as well. He really liked the service on Coruscant where everything was done correctly and really well.

"Sure, buddy."

Rey nodded and didn't insist on talking further on the landing field. While Finn and Poe headed back to the ships, she rushed to her room. It was already dark. As Jedis weren't really allowed but tolerated at Bobba's she didn't want to stick out wearing her cremewhite Jedi clothes. When she lived on Jakku, her only possessions were a couple of shirts and shawls. She washed them when she bathed which occurred only every couple of months. Now she had a wardrobe to choose from. On Coruscant she learnt that she also had to represent the Jedi from time to time. But that she also still had to hide it sometimes. Instead of the three buns at the back of the head she now wore her hair in one single high bun and breaded strands of hair on the side which she put in the bun. For Bobba's Place, black was pretty much appropriate. She changed her clothes which only differed by colour: Black pants, black shirt, a black vest made from strong leather which was a gift from the queen of Naboo and black shawls, tucked in her belt in which she carried her yellow lightsaber.

The place was a mess. Bobba's Bar was not a place where Jedis should go. In the underground of Coruscant, levels under the surface and far away from the daily lifes of the Senate or the Jedi Temple, it was full of traiders, smugglers and dealers who brought goods and "living objects" to and from Coruscant. Rey was here twice but was careful enough not to be seen here too often. Surprisingly, here she felt more at home than she did in her clean and majestic room in the Jedi Temple.

When she arrived, Finn and Poe were already waiting in a small separée, three drinks stood on the table and something that looked liked a grilled rat. She smiled and, to her relief, they smiled back. When she sat down, she took Finns hand. It felt like warmth and sunshine. No more words were needed. And although she trusted them more than anyone else, there were still certain things that were left unsaid. They all knew it. But Rey couldn't bring up the courage to tell them the truth. All the truth about Exogol.

"What happened?", she asked instead and leaned forward, her voice quite and her face worried. "Where were you guys? You were gone for almost four weeks, I didn't hear a word! Not one message! I was worried. How could you leave me here?"

"Master Rey, I think Coruscant is not the worst place to stay." Finn laughed a little and Rey glared at him. Finns hair was completely short again, almost shaved on the sides. He didn't look like the Finn she met on Jakku. He was tall and strong and through his brown, thick shirt one could see his muscles.

Poe looked at him and lowered his voice.

"There was a raid on D'Qar.", he said quietly, looking around the room.

"What?" Rey couldn't believe it. D'Qar, which was the base of the Resistence, was used as a strategic base planet by Poe and the newly formed New Republic Defense Fleet. This was where, at the moment, new ships who joined the Fleet were registered and where Poe worked most of the time, far away from the politics on Coruscant. A new academie was build there as well and it was where most members of the Resistence decided to stay after the operation on Exogol. A raid on D'Qar was crazy, it was basically a military base.

Although Poe and Finn still shared the General's rank, Poe was the one who implemented a defense strategy for the newborn Republic while Finn took several missions on various planets, along with Jannah, Chewie and C3PO.

"Yes, they came at night, landed in the forest. Our droids located them quickly." Poe looked satisfied. "But they didn't attack, we first thought they might be deserters."

"Or spice runners.", Finn added.

"Shut up, could you?"

Rey smiled.

"But the next day the droids noticed that they intruded the camp and went straight to the last sector underground." Poe, again, lowered his voice. "The archive."

She listened carefully. The archive on D'Qar was a secret space, only few members of the Resistence, the Fleet and the Jedi knew of this place. This is where they hid holocrons, maps and other devices and artefacts until they were sure that Coruscant was a safe place, too. When intruders came to the archive…

"They knew it was there.", she whispered. "A spy?"

"We're not sure. Finn was there." Poe pointed to Finns bandage. "They didn't use regular weapons, three of them. They all escaped. We didn't see their faces, they wore dark masks. Unfortunately, they killed four of our guards and already opened the door and had been inside. This is why I needed to talk to Kanata first. They stole a box from her old library. But I couldn't find her today. This is all they took: No weapons, no artefacts. Just this box but it wasn't opened yet. I need to know what was inside."

"I spoke to Kanata just before you arrived, she must have been in the Temple. But who were they?", Rey asked. "Former members of The First Order?"

"Yes. And probably even worse." Poe cleared his throat. "We saw them on surveillance cameras. Rey." He looked her in the eyes and she saw the struggle and pain in it to say his next words. "They looked like the Knights of Ren."

For her, everything stood still. She saw them, all five of them, just in front of her, gathered in a dark cave. And in the middle of them was he, Ben. He nodded at her.

"Impossible.", she whispered. "Ben killed them."

"Ben." Finn breathed heavily. "You mean Kylo Ren."

But Rey ignored him because she couldn't look him in the eyes. "He killed them. I know it, I saw it!"

"But the question is, were there only five of them? Or were they more?", Poe asked and all three of them didn't have an answer.

The Knights of Ren rose from the ashes of a fallen Imperium and as mercenaries they took neither the side of the Jedi, nor of the Sith although they clearly served the dark side. Ruthless and cruel, they took what they wanted and used what the dark side offered them. Just like the First Order they used the vacuum which was created after the fall of the Imperium and indecision of the New Republic and grew stronger without interference. Force-sensitive but not strong enough to be trained as Siths their strength remained unmatched. They were dark knights who served, in the end, only one: Kylo Ren, the leader of the Knights of Ren.

Rey stopped breathing. In her memories, she looked into his eyes. In front of her was Palpatine but she was there, in the cave. Saw him surrounded by his former servants. His dark eyes looked directly into hers but she never saw that look on his face before. Sweat ran from his forehead and he was injured, breathing heavily. He looked at her and only at her. She felt the bond, she felt it stronger than ever before. Was it possible that he returned for her? Carefully, as if she and this bond and everything could break at any second, she nodded… and he nodded, too. They were one.

A memory she almost forgot. And a memory she never shared. Only Master Luke has known about their bond, only Master Luke has known how strong their bond was, how connected they stayed through all the battles and all the blood and tears. They wouldn't understand. She could never share this secret with them.

Finn pulled her out of her thoughts, grabbed inside his jacket and put a piece of cloth on the table. It was black and had a sign on it. It looked like some kind of halb circle within a circle and reminded Rey of a rising sun. "A guard ripped it off his shoulder. This is all we have."

Rey looked at the piece, her fingers touched it barely. But she already felt it even before Finn had put it out. And now, with her fingertips on it, there was no mistake.

"This belongs to someone who is familiar with the dark side.", she said, here eyes starred at the wall in front of her but she looked through it. She didn't see anything, there was no vision. But she felt that this was not a regular raid. Still, she didn't know how exactly to connect with the force, how to see things without opening her eyes. But sometime she knew. Sometimes, the force let her see. "Something important was stolen. We need to find Kanata fast. But where did the Knights go? Could you track them?"

"No." Poe shook his head. "We lost them."

The three of them remained silent, the piece of black cloth layed in front of them on the table. They sat minutes in silence.

"I'm happy you are back safetly.", Rey finally said and looked at both. "If it were Knights of Ren, you could have died."

Nobody said a word. She was right. And the fact, that Knights of Ren were active again just months after the incident on Exogol was terrifying. The Defense Fleet was not strong enough yet for whatever there was.

"We must sleep first.", Poe finally said. "Let's head to the Temple. I need to talk to the Senate Chairman, as well. He still didn't approve the Redemtion law for voting. I am not sure if this will ever happen.", he added frustrated. "There are so many opponents. And we need every man. The Free Fleet of the New Republic is too weak."

Rey looked at Finn who just nodded indeterminate. As a former stormtrooper, he knew what the Redemption law ment for him, as well. After the fall of the First Order and the fight on Exogol, many soldiers and follower were still kept in prisons – they were hundreds and thousands, although countless of them pleaded not guilty. Abducted as children or forced to work within the First Order it was their only chance to survive. Still, they've done horrible things. What was the right punishment, what was the right decision? Many representatives opposed the law which stated that pardon could be given if a soldier proofed himself worthy by joining the academies and fleet. But treason and revenge could not be prevented that way. Another suggestion stated to implant a chip to control former stormtroopers which would lead to immediate death if actived but this was considered inhumane by others.

The galaxy was torn apart and it would take decades for it to find political stability. Some representatives layed their focus on a strong fleet, other military options and total market control so radical fractions could never become as strong as The First Order. Others said that violence and power didn't lead to peace in the past and that diplomacy, trading, education und also mercy were the keys to stability.

It was hard, if even not impossible, to find answers just one year after the First Order was destroyed. But Poe was right – the fleet needed every man. And the Redemption law was the only thing that could solve this.

"Tomorrow, we need to find Kanata.", Rey said instead, trying to process the information she heard before.

"Tomorrow, Jannah and the others will return to Coruscant as well.", Finn added. "We also need to talk to Lando. Probably he knows more."

"He always knows at least something." Poe rolled his eyes. "Drinking and gambling in the worst cities of the galaxy…"

"He is alright." Rey smiled when she thought of the old man. "He reminds me of Han."

They raised their glasses and drank in silence. For today, it was anough. Rey touched both of their hands as if reassuring that they were here with her again and left first.

"I hate it when she calls him that way.", Poe finally said after they watched her dissappear into the night.

"How?"

"Kylo Ren – Ben."

The both looked to the door again.

"Yeah. Me too."

The sat for a couple more minutes in silence, each one was lost in thoughts. They never talked about it but they both knew that something happened on Exogol. Something they didn't know about. But they also knew that Rey would never tell and never answer their questions.

When Rey came back to her room in the Temple of the Jedi, she felt it. The force was talking to her again, she felt it in her body. Something was happening. Something dark. She felt it before, she knew it meant something. The quick return of the Knights of Ren didn't mean anything good. She turned off the light and grabbed inside her wardrobe. Inside a small black box, she felt Bens sweater. The scent was aready fading, the blood dried a long time ago. She touched it gently.

"Be with me.", she whispered. "Ben, are you there?"

But her room stayed empty. Nobody answered.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3 - The Monster

**This is a flashback chapter when Rey and Kylo Ren only begin to understand that they share a connection in "The Last Jedi". You can look it up on Youtube "Rey/Kylo – You are a monster. Yes I am". For me, TROS was like the piece that was missing for me to truly understand the first two movies, it felt like a closing circle. And even knowing the end, I enjoyed watching the first two parts again a lot, having a deeper understanding for the developing relationships. So before reading this chapter, I highly recommend to have a look at the few minutes of TLJ. I love flashbacks, tbh!**

**Also, I would love to hear if you enjoy the story so far! It will have around 25 Chapters, I can tell you this already :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and this fiction is based on the legacy of George Lucas/Lucasfilm/Disney.**

**CHAPTER 3 – THE MONSTER (Flashback)**

Rey was dreaming again. She knew it because she has been here hundreds of times. It was one of many dreams she had about the past, forced to watch something she could never ever change again. She was standing in the rain, looking at a wild and rough sea. The water was restless and she felt cold drops and salt on her skin and lips. On Jakku, there never was so much water. Never was that much rain. She remembered how she felt, standing right there, at the very edge of a cliff on one of the thousands of thousands island on Ahch-To and inside her, only half of the knowledge about Luke Skywalker and Ben Solo. Suddenly, her past self wasn't alone.

It felt like somebody pulled up the curtains of space and time, ripped a whole into the universe and although she was lightyears away from him, she saw him like he was just standing across the room. Even so many days have passed since then, she still wandered why they had connected in that moment. Of course, now she knew that it was Snoke, who connected them in first place. To manipulate his pupil, Kylo Ren and to used Reys weakness and trust in the good. But although it was Snokes doing, the force worked in mysterious ways. What was it, that touched her aching and screaming heart and connected it to his in this moment? Was it the death of Han Solo he was grieving just like she did? But wasn't it him who did it with his own hands? Did he had a right to grief, killing his own father? Rey, even now, didn't have an answer.

When he turned around, Kylo Ren looked surprised. He did not understand how she could connect to him. But neither did she. When he looked at her, her past self realized that he, too, could see her. She flinched a little and she remembered what hate and anger streamed through her body. She was shaken with hate.

"Why is the force connecting us? You and I?", he asked her, his voice deep and yet almost whispering. Silent vibrations that moved through space and time and gave her goosebumps. He talked to her just like he knew her. And maybe he did. Maybe he was the only one who did, after all. Maybe back then he truly understood who she was to him. And he to her.

"Murderous snake!", she hissed at him as her own grief didn't give her room for other emotions. Han Solo was gone, killed by his own son. Back than, this was all that mattered to her. Reys heart ached but now she knew it ached just likes his.

"You're too late! You lost. I found Skywalker."

Meaningless words which never could change what happened. Looking back, being inside her very own dream, she saw, how tired he looked. For a second, Kylo Ren looked to the ground, understanding what it meant. Understanding, what she saw and heard and knew when she has talked to his uncle and old master. Understanding that from that point she knew that there was another person behind the mask, another one than Kylo Ren. That once, there was a Ben Solo.

"Did he tell you what happened?", he asked. "The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?"

Rey couldn't move as she watched him going towards her. Why didn't he ask where he was? Why didn't he ask what difference it made? No. He wanted to know if she knew. He wanted to hear it from her mouth.

"I know everything I need to know about you!", her past self replied in rage, her lips, her hands shaking.

"You do?" Time stood still. Kylo Ren looked at her and his eyes pierced her. She felt that some how he was searching inside her mind, reading inbetween the words and she let him. She let him see her anger, let him see her suffering, let him see the pain she felt when she found out. "Oh, you do.", he finally said.

Her past self was still shaking and so did she, in her dream. She only knew one half of the story, yet.

"You have that look in your eyes. In the forest –" He looked at her even more and his face darkened. "- you called me a monster."

"You ARE a monster!"

He made another step towards her, his eyes fixed on her. Because she was the only thing he could see and sense trough all the space and all the time. She was the one who was connected with him by the force although they did not know the reason.

"Yes I am."

Rey looked into her own face in the past. Suddenly, the hate and anger were gone. She remembered how confused she felt, unable to say one more thing. Why didn't he deny it, why didn't he justify it? Why was he not giving her any kind of excuse, of explanation why he has done what he has done? She felt tired and without her even realizing it, there was even something like sadness. Something like a pain, a grief, they suddenly both shared. So, they remained silent, both of them. Was Kylo Ren waiting for a reaction himself? Was there something he wanted to hear?

Under all of her grief and suffering, she still had – hope. And now she knew that he saw it, too. He saw it in her shaking lips, her determined eyes, her look at him trying to understand what he thought, what he felt. And where Ben Solo has gone when Kylo Ren took his place. But he didn't answer. He only admitted that he, just like she said, was a monster. A creation by the dark side, driven by the dark side of the force, by decisions he made and that there was no return. Or so he thought.

And maybe it was during that moment when he realized that he, in fact, wasn't free. That the dark side had taken everything from him. And she understood that, too.

She looked at herself looking at him, standing by the side, watching it over and over again, like a recording she could never get rid off. If there was something like hell, her memories were hers. She remembered how it felt, she remembered his presence, she even remembered how the forest smelled. Like farns and trees and wet earth and fallen leaves. A smell she never knew from Jakku. And then there was he, standing right in front of her. She saw in his face, his eyes.

The connection broke, the curtain fell. Time and space collided again. Ben was gone and she was standing alone at the rough sea.

Then she woke up. First, she thought that she was sweating or crying or both. Then she realized her face was covered in salt water.

TBC


End file.
